2011年5月10日 星期二

Letter of Resignation

“Many people go travel and they can’t see anything. They go from one hotel to another, thinking they’ve traveled the world. This book came at the right time. There is only one reason we travel, that is to change your life. “

(Above it's a book recommendation written by the writer of “Poor Dad, Rich Dad”, Robert T. Kiyosaki. He recommends the book "Change Your Life Through Travel: Inspiring Tales And Tips for Richer, Fuller, More Adventurous Living" by Jillian Robinson)

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Tripping to The Netherland and we stayed in a fancy, historical and classic hotel, that is just beside the American Embassy. (Usually Embassies locate in high-end and safe area of the city, The American Institute in Taiwan in Jianguo-Xinyi intersection is a bad example.) The guy, Mr. J, who took us on this business trip has stayed in the same hotel for at least three times. The typical arrangement is that once we get out of the airport, there’s a van taking us to the hotel. Once we finish breakfast in the next morning, there’s a van taking us around to meetings. As a result, J has always been convinced that he’s in Amsterdam. It's true that we did go to a meeting in Amsterdam the next day; but the hotel itself locates in The Hague.

The true story is, we arrived in the evening past dinner time. That night I went out for a small adventure on my own. I wandered around, found a spot, sat myself down, ordered some drinks, and began to chit chat with the waiter. Somehow in my speech I mentioned “You Amsterdam…” and he looked at me surprisingly, as if I've said the forbidden word of Voldermort, and said, “Honey, you’re not in Amsterdam, you’re in Dan Hague!”

This is how I got to know this bloody evident fact.

I must have looked like an idiot.

(I wonder if J finally knew?)

J is a frequent flyer and flies only Business so he has accumulated many mileage points. Schengen visa was glued on his passport one page after another. (it was not yet the Schengen visa free era.)

How ironic it is not knowing where you are?

And this is traveling?

After I sent my resignation letter, CEO called me to his office. I told him I do not yet have a fixed plan for the next stage. I plan to travel first. (In fact I do have plans but it’s not wise to share with people like them who gossip so often as they consume breakfast.)

Tourists don't know where they have been;
Travelers don't know where they're going.

CEO, a very bald man in his sixties with big round head looking at me, the young woman, and said “Travel, I love to travel, too. Besides New Zealand, Australia, and, oh yeah, Africa, I’ve been to all over the world.” And he gave me one of those smiles; sincere, and showing empathy. I hate that.

Then he raised one eyebrow and continued,
“Will there be a local friend showing you around?”
“If you go alone, you can’t see much la. When my friends visit Taiwan, it takes someone like me who is local so I can take them to places.”
“Do you plan to study and get a diploma?”
“You're going alone!?”
If two people cannot communicate, even one word seems redundant.

In their dictionary, there’s no such a concept called “Withdrawal”.

How scary it is to do something under the condition of “not having a plan for next year?”
How is it possible to go abroad besides for the purpose of taking unpaid leave to study and get diploma, or going to Tokyo for 5 days?

Those people who I do not get, even go to Chinese restaurant for Peking duck when we were in New York and London briefly. Unbelievable!

Traveling is not a competition. It’s not about collecting more photos and put into your album.
It’s not shopping and eating, and more shopping and eating.
It’s not moving from one place to another to try to get a hold of something.

I can very well picture the so-called “traveling” by his definition, except that I think “sight-seeing” or “touring” is more of the word he was looking for.

Sitting in the van that drove into Frankfurt, he couldn’t help but make statement like “You know, the German they’re …..”

Everywhere he goes he is obliged to buy souvenir for his son. So he has a leaning tower of Pisa in his hand, but he doesn’t even read the background story of the tower in the brochure. It just looks pretty putting in the living room as a display and all guests who come to his house will surely not miss the sight of it.

Sometimes I, too, wonder, why do I refuse to settle? Why can I not like the stable life my state-owned company provides?

Then I realize that, this is like “relationship”, you cannot force.

And we need to be honest; especially be honest with yourself, with your heart.

I know this is not what I want, so I need to make changes.

You people, working on the same job from graduation to retirement. And you’re happy. And that’s good and I’m happy that you’re happy. But for me, life is not one straight line connecting “START” to “Shut Down”. I am not happy. So let me go do things that make me happy.

I’m sorry for my absent-mind in the last 6 months.
I’m sorry that for the last week at work, I’m feeling super good and cannot even pretend to show the expected reluctance for eve a bit.

But I do appreciate what the company has offered and I am grateful for it.

I am grateful that it gave me a chance to see the world from the eyes of a banker; loan is asset, deposit is liability.
I am grateful that I learnt a better concept about money.
This position broadened my horizons; I’ve seen more and been to more places. Plus I can now easily translate “million” and “billion” into Chinese. :)

Well, after I leave the job.

No one will open the door in lady's room without knocking when I am peeing.
When taking elevator at lunch break, no more middle-aged men and women will be picking their teeth with a pick or tongue. (gross)

Mmmm, it’s pretty good just to think about those. :)

No more badges like this.

2011年5月7日 星期六

倒數四天


最後倒數四天,陸續跟朋友碰面說再見。
大家怎麼一副我要上戰場可能永遠見不到似的呢?
七月我會回來三天咩,搞不好明年二月還回來過農曆年呢。結果反而比住在台北時更常回屏東,好好笑。

隨著衣櫃漸空、房間地板漸髒,行李大致打包完畢,卻發現心還沒打包。

連日的忙碌,辭職準備搬家整理行李回屏東等等,每天就是趕趕趕,心很急。怎麼好久沒靜下來跟自己講講話了?

今晚的一場冥想練習,Steeve老師提醒了我們。

是呀,心是有兩個層面的。
面對一堵白牆靜坐,思緒來了又去、去了又來。
情緒也是。他們像海面上的波浪,波波起伏。
那畢竟不是真實的自己,只是我們總被這些想法綁架,被情緒挾持。
因為一件順心的事情而雀躍,一個負面的情緒而生氣。
這些受制於外在因素的波動,非你我能夠控制。
他們無法,但你卻常常任由他們來定義[你是誰]。
一陣大風吹來,又是掀起一陣浪。
(除非你要衝浪啦)
真實的自我在下層。平靜穩定的感受,內在真實的自己,還需要往下一層去找。

不簡單。

與神對話前,讓我先跟自己啃瓜子聊天一下吧。
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